Since 25, I seem to have developed this annual panic attack around my birthday. This year...I dont feel it. Not sure if the year passed by so quick that I haven't had time to feel it, or simply that I think I'm gonna like 29.  K ,now that Im thinking about it, I'm going to bet it's the first one, time is going by just too fast. Not trying to make those 30 and over feel bad but I'M ALMOST 30..that should scare me more. Norrmally I would be having the pitty party...you know "im getting old and I'm not married, I dont have kids, I don't have a house here...blah blah blah". I don't care right now for some reason. Maybe it's one of those things where you panic and stress so much that eventually you become dead inside and throw up your hands and say fuck it. I have felt the new way i think as quit calming....my new thing is - "I'm exactly where life has intended me to be".  Not to say i dont have the occasional panic attack, but its been getting less frequent.  For still being pretty out of control of things..i feel sort of in control if that makes any sense. 

Maybe it's the gym? I've been working out pretty hard core for 5 weeks now. I feel like Im really improving physically. Not talking like becoming a super model over night, but physically i just feel healthier and not so bloated. I'm still a little ways away from losin the  "extra"  pounds and firming up more,but overall mentally i feel better.  If I keep this up who knows..maybe I will be a damn hot 30 year old next year =) K ....here comes a litle panic..one year at a time, for now I will settle for 29. 

Maybe the fact that I feel calm means it will be my year to get what i want.  We'll see...=)